Week 5 Scared Money Bets: Bhayshul Tuten Scores With Fast Company
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Week 5 Scared Money Bets: Bhayshul Tuten Scores With Fast Company

Cooterdoodle is back with the Week 5 Scared Money Bets, where the mantra is "scared money, don't make money."

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I recently watched the movie Backrooms—Weird sh*t, but check it out if you haven't. Despite the dark themes surrounding ego and memory, this horror film reminded me of the NFL. 

Because through four weeks, we have been trapped in repetitive loops, haven't we?

And I'm here to keep the loops going in Week 5.

In other words … RUN IT ALL BACK(rooms), BABY!

WELCOME TO THE SCARED MONEY THUNDERDOME, B*TCH. 

Enter if you dare. But first, familiarize yourself with our creed.

The Scared Money Creed:

  1. May the Odds Never Be In Your Favor: We are absolutely NOT trying to play it safe. The crazier the odds, the better.
  2. Narratives Are EVERYTHING: Betting on something meaningless is an emotionally empty abyss. Instead, we're buying into the incredible outcomes that we want to become our reality. We're fans of the game—THAT is what drives the bet.
  3. No wager is too small: Even the smallest wagers can give you an INCREDIBLE sweat. I don't need to risk my kid's college fund to piss all over the books and come home richer.
  4. Remember our mantra: Scared money don't make money, baby. 

We'll start easy, and amp up the odds as we move through the weekend …

Scared Money Parlay Bets for Week 5

We All Have Our Loops +1571

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Five RBs have rushed for 65+ yards in every single game this season. Four of them, you might expect:

Our fifth, Bhayshul Tuten, rounds off the list. Coming off of Week 4, where two of his TDs were called back, I'm betting on yet another big game for Tuten in London. This time, though, I want the TDs to stick.

But this bet would be too tame with just some yardage. Because each of these players have scored TDs in over half of their games … I'm throwing in ATDs with it.

Let the loops continue!

  • Bijan Robinson Rushing Yards 60+
  • Bijan Robinson ATD
  • Derrick Henry Rushing Yards 60+
  • Derrick Henry ATD
  • Jonathan Taylor Rushing Yards 60+
  • Jonathan Taylor ATD
  • Bhayshul Tuten Rushing Yards 60+
  • Bhayshul Tuten ATD

The Best Part is That You Can Eat (them) +8414

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Bell cow RBs have been dominating in the end zone every week. 

And these five RBs know how to EAT. They've scored 28 touchdowns between the five of them through just four games. 

TWENTY-EIGHT TOUCHDOWNS!

But I can't do a simple little ATD bet. 

You know me. That would be way too easy. To make things sweeter, I'm betting on each RB to score during the first half of their games. 

Anytime TD Scorers - 1st Half

I'M A F*CKING ARCHITECH! +25348

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Every single one of these RB2s have vultured a TD this season. Some, multiple times.

If I'm betting on staying trapped inside the loops, I'm betting on these RB2s to vulture again … On the same weekend. 

It's +25348. It could bust during the London game. And I don't care. I'm a f*cking architect with this build.

5-leg parlay

  • Woody Marks ATD
  • Tyler Allgeier ATD
  • Chris Rodriguez ATD
  • TreVeyon Henderson ATD
  • Brian Robinson ATD

I Don't Think I Want To Change +5250

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If you've been following, you know I've had a hell of a fun time rooting for interruptions this season. Some would say it's the most fun a girl could have …

And just like the main character from Backrooms, "I don't think I want to change." 

So let's keep these INTs parlays running on a loop, shall we?

1+ Interceptions Thrown

If you have any Scared Money Bets of your own, let me know. Drop your slips in the replies and let's see who is brave enough to take on the fiery gauntlet of +five-digit odds and who's just window shopping …

Players Mentioned in this Article

  1. Bhayshul Tuten
    BhayshulTuten
    RBJACJAC
    PPG
    12.2
    Proj
    11.0

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